From: Igor Wiedler To: Subject: Speakers Dinner Feedback Hi , I wanted to give you some more feedback about the speakers dinner at PHPBenelux. I know you've gotten some mixed reactions already, but I feel like this is important and must be improved in the future. First of all I don't question your intentions, I would not doubt them for a second. I know you really care about everyone having a good time, and this is why PHPBenelux has been one of my favourite conferences in the last few years. That said, my experience at the speakers dinner was very negative. To begin, you are bringing the speakers to a remote location they know nothing about. You are not giving them the option to leave. I felt very much trapped and did not feel like it would be ok to even step outside for a second. And if I wanted to leave, I did not feel comfortable talking to the organisers. Let's talk about the show. We need to have a conversation about consent. Some people might be cool with going on stage and making a fool of themselves. I was not. I was forced into a situation I had no control over, I was subject to social pressure, and it would not surprise me if some of the others felt the same way. Finally, the content of the show was rather questionable. It may very well be that I have a lower tolerance, but I do not appreciate sexist and racist humour. I also get that you did not have full control over that part, but I thought I would mention it anyway. I am not complaining because this hurt my little man feelings. I am complaining because it is _extremely_ important for such events to be safe and I feel like the organisers failed to ensure this on so many levels. What would I change? First of all, let people know what is going to happen up front and give them an option to opt out. Also, give people the option to walk out at any point, and allow that to happen without shame or humiliation. Have one or two people responsible for these kinds of things, who are present during the event. Give out the contact details of these people ahead of time. See also: most codes of conduct. Finally, maybe be a bit more critical on your judgement of content. Maybe you think I'm being politically correct, well still better than being racist. Sorry for sending you such a negative response. You know that I appreciate all the good things you do. You take really good care of your speakers and host an excellent event. Hopefully you can make the next year even better and more inclusive by providing a safe environment for everyone. Thanks, Igor ======================================= From: To: Igor Wiedler Subject: Re: Speakers Dinner Feedback Hi Igor I wasn't really surprised to read this, it was clear that you didn't like the speakers dinner at all. And I understand why you didn't. Too bad you didn't feel comfortable addressing it directly. I didn't come by bus and drove there by car because I wanted to offer a way to travel back earlier in case speakers wanted to leave. So we actually had taken measures to drive you to the hotel whenever you wanted. Why didn't you feel confident to talk to us? I kinda hoped you would trust us by now. I knew you didn't like the part where you had to go on stage, but I thought you were fine once that scene was over. If I would have known it messed up your evening, I would have directly come to you to deal with the situation. Our main priority is having happy speakers, so we'll talk about it in the next crew meeting to avoid these kind of situations. That being said, we didn't want to spoil the surprise by telling you what the event was about. Content-wise we didn't even know what was about to happen and in retrospect I feel that was a good decision. Both me and the rest of the crew don't believe there was any kind of racism involved. One could argue that the dress that had to wear was just a tiny bit sexist, but still it was all good fun. Personally I wouldn't mind stepping on stage and participating in all the stupidity. I also noticed that other speakers did have a lot of fun. Of course this doesn't mean we don't take your complaint seriously. So the next time, we'll be clear on the fact that it can be at a remote location and that there are people by car who are able to drive you back to the hotel whenever it would be needed. I've realized the last couple of years that a lot of people are very sensitive to all sorts of things and as an organizer we have to deal with this in a correct way. The PHPBenelux crew tries to find the right balance without having to be too politically correct. We could be 100% politically correct and avoid any risk, but where would the fun be then? I realize that our way of doing things can be a little edgy, but we like it that way. This is the first incident we have in 6 years of PHPBenelux and I guarantee we will deal with this in a better way for the next edition. Does that mean there won't be any controversial situations? No. Does that mean we'll be politically correct? Not really. Will there be questionable humor? Probably. But under no circumstances we want you or anyone else be the victim of that. I don't believe there was any real sexism, racism or any other "ism" involved. I understand the fact that you felt a bit humiliated and felt some social pressure. But I don't believe this is a structural issue that impacts everyone. For me it all boils down to this: * You didn't like the bad humor * It sucked that you had to participate in a stupid act * You wanted to leave, but didn't really dare to ask us Although you say this isn't about you, it actually is and that's perfectly fine. And for that offer our sincerest apologies. It won't happen again. We'd love to have you at #phpbnl16 and you should feel good and have fun while you're with us. Next year we'll be clear about the remote destination and the options to travel back if people don't like it. But apart from that nothing will really change. The day we become a 100% politically correct organization will be a sad day. Take care dude, I like you, I alway have and I always will. I don't agree with a lot of things you mentioned in the email below, but 1 thing I can't argue about is how you feel and that's important to me. I hope you still want to come back in 2016. Hope to see you soon. Would love to talk about this in real life. Email doesn't really do it justice. Cheers